when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
