Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
