dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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