So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
