did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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