His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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