what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And then he peed in my hair
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