you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.