She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pants are for mortals
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
