i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
