just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
