you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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