i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....