Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
