I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
