Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
