Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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