I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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