everyone is single if you try hard enough
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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