Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
