I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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