our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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