I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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