You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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