Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
