Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
