Swine flu. Run for my life!
Jerry, you need to find god
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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