My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
