her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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