I need help removing her.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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