I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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