he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This house was built for laser tag.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
