my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
