And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
