I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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