I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
