wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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