What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
