my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
