It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
