even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
