Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
