Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
