You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
