if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
