yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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