In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I cockslap morals
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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