it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
