Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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