I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
