I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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