I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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