I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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