i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
