My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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