Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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