So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
