Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
