Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
